Alex and his String of Caretakers

Alex is 6 months and 1 week old today. Every week is a big and crazy week for us but these past few have felt like the craziest by far. Since July I have been battling with finding the perfect nanny for Alex. Of course no one is more perfect than mom (and dad, and Grandma, Grandpa, and (insert family member here) etc.) but since everyone has their own busy schedule during the week, we had to consider outside resources.

I signed up for a paid web service called care.com back in June. The site offers various profiles of nannies, babysitters, offers full background checks, references, etc. After all if you are having someone come into your home, you want to make sure they aren't sketch!

We first interviewed a woman named Theresa back in June. Her profile sounded great. She had worked with 3 separate families in the past 5 years, had experience at a daycare center, knew CPR, all her references checked out. She looked a bit kooky (46 going on 15) but we figured who cares if she looks silly, Alex would probably get a kick out of the colorful teeny-bopperish style that she had. We did a couple of shadow days and she seemed really good. And as a bonus she doubled as a light housekeeper--Alex's laundry, washing his bottles, restocking his room etc.

Since my in-laws were visiting in July and she had to give 2 week notice to her current employer (the kids she was watching were starting elementary school and no longer needed full time day care) we said August would be a good month to start.

I thought I had a photo of her but I guess not. For the better I suppose.

Anyway she only lasted 4 days. It turned out she wasn't as experienced around very small infants as she had claimed. She couldn't remember instructions very well (like how to mix the bottle, or when to change him) and I ended up nannying the nanny. I wasn't trying to be an overbearing mom and I tried to let them be but I got a bad vibe after the first day and the days just got worse and worse as they went on. The last straw was her putting Alex on his quilt in the middle of the room and vacuuming all around him while he cried his little heart out. And Alex is not a baby that generally cries. She didn't do anything at all to console him. It's nice that she was very task oriented and wanted to try and keep the house clean but I had repeatedly told her, ALEX COMES FIRST. Housekeeping was a nice added bonus that she threw in but I hired her to look after the baby. I let her go on the spot after 4 days. She had already lined up her next job in looking after a senior citizen before she left my place so I didn't feel so bad for her.

Backtracking a little, right before Theresa started and while my in-laws were here, I had Lucy, the daughter of a former co-worker babysit Alex here and there so I could get some work done. Lucy is 19 and her family is from the same region that Matt is from in England. Her parents live in San Jose ( I used to work with her mom Trish) but she goes to college in the UK. She had recently returned from Italy where she was an Au Pair. I was venting to Trish over the phone on how I was in a rut and she mentioned that Lucy had some availability if I needed someone temporarily. Lucy was absolutely wonderful with Alex from the start and I wish we could have 'hired' her but she was leaving the country in early September to start at the University of Newcastle.

So we had interviewed Theresa, had Lucy watch Alex in the interim, had Theresa start and stop in the same week. Not knowing where to go next, I decided to network with anyone and everyone I could think of. I sent out a mass email to friends and family, went back to Care.com (a little more jaded this time) and called a few daycare centers as my last resort plan.

Another former co-worker, Veena had suggested a girl named Natalia. She was really great with kids I was told, especially babies. Natalia was only 21 and had no kids of her own so I was a little skeptical but it turned out that she was the most wonderful find EVER! The only issue was that she lived in Mountain View (25 miles from us) and didn't drive. So every morning her boyfriend would drop her off and pick her up. Now of course this wouldn't have been as big of a problem but he hit traffic both ways. Matt and I initially were looking for property in Mountain View so we figured it would be tough going for awhile and eventually we'd live closer to one another. At first everything was perfect but her boyfriend's work hours became unpredictable. He works in construction. So when she finished her day at my place (4:30pm ish) she would have to wait a couple hours for her boyfriend to come get her. She wasn't much a tv watcher or reader so it was a little bit awkward. After about 10 days I could feel uneasy tension but she is so sweet and polite that she didn't say anything when I asked her if anything was wrong. On Thursday, into her second week she says to me "Ru, I have to tell you something and it's going to be bad for you"...then she went on to explain the commute was pretty tough for her and that she didn't think it would work out. I was hoping she would use Caltrain/LightRail (our local train and tram service) since it was virtually door to door but she just wasn't comfortable with the idea. She said she would think it over but then on Friday she said it would be her last day. I wish she had given me more notice. She was absolutely perfect and Alex was so happy with her. She just had a natural motherly instinct. She would say things like "Oh Alex, when you are sad, it makes me sad" It was so cute. I still miss her and am sad that it didn't work out. She said it we move to Mountain View to give her a call. She said she would genuinely miss Alex and I believe she really will.

Feeling helpless at this point and exhausted (Note that while all this was happening I battled a sinus infection, had a couple migraine episodes, broke a tooth, got a tooth extracted and also fell onto some wonderful concrete where a bruised my knee pretty badly and twisted my toe. My knee still hurts) I decided first things first, I would grab a coffee and just have a moment to think everything through.

I went to get coffee and decided to use the drive-thru (gotta love America!). I was so frazzled that I placed my order, paid and then drove past the pick up window. Duh. While I was waiting in the queue, I decided I would call Lucy to see if she was available and since I was thinking so hard about that I forgot to grab my actual drink. I had pulled into a parking spot to call her and it took me a full 2 minutes to actually realize I forgot it. I told Lucy I'd call her back in a second and like a moron trudged in and told them I accidentally drove past the window. For someone who is usually on top of their game--a very weird and scary moment.

Anyway I called Lucy back and I was in luck. She was available for 2 weeks, 8-5. And since she already knew Alex and his schedule and habits, it would be a relief. I just needed to buy some more time and figure out another option. It's also the last month of the quarter so I really didn't want any personal distractions to get in the way of work.

I made an appointment at a local daycare center thinking this would be the next best option. My mom has worked in the daycare circuit for 30+ years and knows which ones are good and which ones suck. And you ask, well why can't she just take Alex to her daycare center? Unfortunately she works for a daycare that's part of a major tech company in the Bay Area and unless you are a parent (not grandparent) that works at the company, you can't enroll a child. She tried to get around it but policy is policy. Anyway, we went to a day care center about 10 minutes away. My mom was able to come with me to check it out and ask all the necessary question. The place seemed nice, all state of the art equipment and wonderful teacher-parent communication. I was pretty much sold on the place until I got the price sheet. I knew it would be expensive but not $1900/month expensive.

I called Matt for a confab and we kind of decided that it would have to be our option for the time being since we didn't know what else to do or where else to go. And to be honest I had just had it with trying to find someone full time that was dependable and going to be consistent. I didn't sign anything at the daycare, thinking I would come up with an alternative plan, just wasn't sure what yet.

My mom saw that I was extremely stressing out over the situation. She had been in my shoes before. In fact that's what prompted her to change careers and go into daycare in the first place. She picked up a couple of numbers at the Indian grocery store, thinking if anything, I could at least call and find out, no harm.

I called the first number she gave me but the lady only watched school aged children. I called a second person but she had bad reception and she said she'd call me back in awhile. She called back but I was running errands at the time. She spoke to my mom and my mom said this lady, Vanita sounded really nice. I was skeptical and jaded from all my experiences, plus wasn't so sure on the idea of a home day care but I called her anyway to find out more. We had a nice chat and she said she used to be a software engineer but started a home daycare because she wanted to look after her kids. She has 3 kids, one in high school (16) , one in junior high (13) and a first grader(6). She also looked after her nephew who was about 7 or 8. During the day she had no kids to look after so Alex would get one on one attention from 8am-3pm until the kids got home. And they were mostly self sufficient. We made an appointment to visit her during the weekend to learn more.

So Matt, my mom and I went to her house. She was very friendly and her husband and kids came out to meet us too. It turns out her husband and I once worked at the same company but it was over 10 years ago. Neither of us remember and I was a receptionist during the summer months so a very temporary position. They know some of our family friends very well and Vanita's sisters are nurses at Kaiser, where my dad has been hospitalized a couple of times. She also speaks Gujarati in addition to English so my whole wanting Alex to learn some Gujarati idea would work out even better. She is WAY less expensive than day care and doesn't have practices like charging $5 for every minute that you're late in picking your child up. She also has an open door policy so if I want to visit or my dad or Matt want to stop by, she is completely fine with it. Unless she gets other kids of course, then maybe someone like my dad can't visit since it would be against licensing policy. I actually appreciated the fact that she threw that in there because it shows she does have a level of professionalism. Anyway I'm rambling now but the point is, I felt very comfortable as did Matt. And Matt's pocketbook felt the most comfortable out of everyone lol.

So this Monday (yesterday) I dropped Alex off at her place. I bought him a little pack n' play for him to sleep in during the day and took a lot of his clothes, toys, diapers, bottles little bumbo seater thing etc. so he would be comfortable. He was all smiles when I took him and all smiles when I picked him up. Vanita said he had a great day. He ate well, played well, napped well. He's a really good kid. I was a little sad dropping him off and it was so very strange coming back to an empty silent house but a part of me was relieved to have found a consistent, safe solution. And as much as I love the little goober, I really appreciated my personal space. Yesterday was the first time in 6 months that I was home alone for an extended period of time. I thought I would cry and be more upset than I was. But I think because I had battled with the issue for so long, I had mentally prepared myself for it all. It's only Day 2 and every day is going to feel hard for awhile but it's definitely the best situation for us all.

I was actually going to update about Alex's 6 month check up and share some photos but I needed to get the nanny vent out first I guess. I'll end this post before it becomes a novel. Look forward to a more colorful update soon.